Reboot-ism

The familiar start line. What choice do I really have but to try again? And again. Lists, commitments, the whole shit again. Nothing will change, because my life is a circle, the track is set, I can only choose the speed.

No alcohol.
Art, music, literature and fashion.
Tattoos and excercise.

Hope. Faith in mankind. Not god but in myself.

Narcissism

Let me elaborate on that. I'm not really in love with myself, I'm in love of an idea of me. A better me, let's say, an immaginary me. He's just like me in every way, only he's good looking, confident and people love him. The "real" me, is but a sad shadow, the fake me in a bad day. I will always have that voice in my head, the "best" version of myself, helping, sometimes innocently mocking me. I need to place this awesome version of myself at the helm of my life. I see the path, let's walk together. You know, without the schizophrenia. 

Cycle-ism

September, March, 2002, 2007, 2009, it doesn't matter the date. I do exactly the same over and over and over... Fan of evolution, and can't seem to achieve it. I write, then re write my thoughts, make goals and then change as they seem more difficult to acomplish.

FUCK this, fuck me, FUCK YOU.

I hate living in moving sands...

I hate myself even more.

I really don't give a fuck about anything anymore.

Revival-ism

My brain freezes and my fingers won't move, I feel the burden of being myself everyday, is just so much easier behaving like I believe my lies. I can be so much damn more... I feel it; greatness is within my grasp, but slips through my fingers everytime it's fucking near. This spiral is annoying, the good news is that every passing day it's getting smaller, and the end of this cycle could be close. I am exactly the same as I was 5 years, only 5 years older, slower, dumber and fearful. I got spirit, I got heart, I got passion, I got feelings... all at slumber. Someday... I'll wake up.

Future-ism

I've seen the future lately, different versions of it. I saw how I became the man I've always wanted to be. Able to achieve everything. Then I wake up, and feel numb and dizzy, the reality appears, I'm exactly the same as yesterday. Bugger.

No more -isms

September arrives, hit me in the head like an ox... Tired of the same excuses, the same damn cycles, I decided to ignore them for a change. Some say despair is sexy... I must look so hot right now... I grown five years in the last 4 days. Everybody else just seemed to stay in the same place, I could see their movements, in slow motion, as if the earth is not moving any longer... I felt like I couldn't run anymore, and the slowliness was catching me. That I would be like them, my flame would run out of oxygen and fade, only a shadow of it former self. I felt the weight of my sins and mistakes, all the years of living light... got to my core? I always thought it was another game, another game that I'm good at it...

heroism

I woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, woke up abruptly, it wasn't a nightmare but a very intense dream. I felt like I had a higher sense of things, it was like I understood something that I didn't before.

I realized that when I woke up, I was stronger, faster and more determine than ever, I was in that mindstate that I couldn't get for so long, that mindstate where you focus only in what you need to do to accomplish your goals and you just execute it perfectly.

I felt like if I could break boulders with my bear hands and take down Kasparov in chess. I felt like if I run, no one would catch me. It was a good feeling, I;ll save it in my heart, within a small box right next to where I keep bottled love; I'll save it for a better place, and when its time, the box will be unlocked, and it will take me where I want to be.